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Thursday, 20 January 2005
Why am I remembering more dreams this week?
Topic: Other
I am curious why I have been remembering more dreams in the past few weeks than I have in a long time. I have even gotten lucid in the past week which I hadn't for awhile. I wonder if it is because I am making more of an effort to remember and write down my dreams. Another thought had crossed my mind and that is that my son is home from the army now and maybe before my dreaming self was traveling more to check on him, more energy expended on him because I was so worried and now he is home so I am able to focus more back on my dreaming. Hard to say I guess

remote Posted by Tracy at 9:53 PM EST
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precog sort of dream
Mood:  surprised
Topic: Precognitive Dreams
I got a new set of tarot cards, actually it is an old deck that I used to have but a new deck. Well, I have this breaking in thing for new decks of tarot cards and I put them under my pillow for three nights or so. last night was night 2 and I dreamt about this guy at work named Robbie. I dreamt that him and I were talking and that he was telling me e something but I couldn't remember when I woke up what he was telling me. I got up and went to work and when i got to work Robbie had on the same shirt he had on in the dream! I got to thinking and I wondered if maybe it had something to do with the cards being under my pillow, but I suppose it probably doesn't. My telepathic skills seemed really heightened this week. i don't know if it is because the moon is waxing but for the last few weeks it seems like I am thinking about alot of things right before they happen, whether that is telepathy or precognition I'm not sure. A few times in the mail, I will be thinking about something and then receive something in the mail about it. I also seem to be doing this with people this week. I wonder if it has to do with me drinking less coffee and drinking alot more water? I also have not been eating meat for the last few weeks but I didn't notice that benefit last time I quit eating meat I don't suppose.

Posted by Tracy at 9:26 PM EST
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Wednesday, 19 January 2005
Bury me under a bridge
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: moon: waxing 71%
Topic: Regular Dreams
I had a strange dream last night that really bothered me alot. I dreamt that Scott, my ex boyfriend who is in prison, I dreamt he died. I dreamt that I mailed him a letter and it came back with writing on it that said "Deceased" I flipped out, and called his mom and she said 'yes he died'. I asked her if the funeral would be in Oregon and could I come please and she said he wasn't having a funeral and wanted to be buried under a bridge. The dream shifted and I was standing on top of the bridge crying. I woke up crying.

Posted by Tracy at 6:57 PM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 19 January 2005 6:59 PM EST
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Monday, 17 January 2005
winning money
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: jeremy's dj trance music
Topic: Regular Dreams
Last night I dreamt that I scratched off a scratch off lottery ticket and won a 1000 g's. I barely recalled that one, and I also dreamt about my friend Lisa but don't remember much about that one. I've been dreaming alot about eating chicken this week, lol, I quit eating meat again so I think I have been jonesin for it or something, I am going on about a week without meat now. I have been a little tired but nothing major.

Posted by Tracy at 6:45 PM EST
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Sunday, 16 January 2005
Deja Vu..Deja who...a thought
Topic: Synchronicities
I think I may have figured out why I was having those weird deja vu feelings in my living room...see this post to see what I am talking about
click here
I recently rearranged my living room and put my tv next to my computer. Last week I had the deja vu thing happen again and when I would get up from my computer it was like my brain was flashing an image of my old apartment living room through my mind. I realized that maybe this was happening because when I rearranged my living room I put my furniture in the room identically to how I did in that apartment, which in turn, I think is triggering that memory to start flashing in my mind, like somehow I tricked my brain into thinking it is in that apartment or something, I dont know but it is strange.

Posted by Tracy at 11:32 AM EST
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SoulBonds..article
Topic: Interesting Articles
Soulbonds

- Dan O'Dea

These days, you see a lot of people looking for someone who is 'everything
they need', and using terms like soulmate, or soulbonded. You see it in the
personals section. You see it in movies. You've probably heard it from some of
your friends.

So what is a soulbonded or soulmate, anyway?

To most of modern America, it basically is a glamorous word for Ms./Mr.
Right, imbued with a strong emotional context.

To people who study metaphysics, it means something entirely different: it
means someone with whom you tend to reincarnate time after time, helping each
other learn lessons. In extreme cases, it can even go to the extent of having
agreed to permanently share soul development.

That may sound like a romanticized version of marriage, but the reality is
often far from romantic. Soul relationships are usually about personal and
spiritual development, so they are often among the most trying and difficult
relationships that you can have. Soul relationships aren't always romantic or
erotic, either.

People who've deeply studied metaphysics, magic, psi, or any other esoteric
art come to realize that there are many ways in which people can be 'connected'
to each other, and that many of those connections can create a deep sense of
closeness that can easily be mistaken for a soulbond or soulmate relationship.
Those connections can be very deep and fulfilling, so they can form either
the basis of a strong relationship, or a deep enhancement to an existing
relationship. In a "good" relationship they can be wonderful. Unfortunately, in
a
not-so-good relationship, they can be very unpleasant.

Below are some overview descriptions of types of connections, links. and
bonds that I have observed or experienced.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Empathic

Most empaths have the ability to link to someone, and to deepen a link into a
bond.
When an empath is linked to someone, they can easily "reach out" and feel the
one to whom they are linked, and then know how that one feels, emotionally
and physically, and sometimes even perceive what they are doing. When a link
deepens to a bond, the empath doesn't even have to "reach"; it is as if the
other
person is constantly standing right next to the empath.

A mistake that some empaths make is bonding to someone, and thinking that it
will go both ways. If the other person isn't also an empath, or if the other
person isn't strongly attached to the empath, then they probably won't form a
bond back to the empath. Those situations can easily lead to a frustrating
relationship where the empath who bonded feels everything that goes on with
their
partner, but the partner doesn't feel what is going on with the empath.

Empathic connections can be removed or severed, although breaking an empathic
bond can be both difficult and physically debilitating, as well as
emotionally painful and possibly damaging. Breaking a link isn't as hard, nor as

traumatic. In either case, you do need to monitor yourself to make certain that
the
connection isn't reforming. In either case you might want to spend time with
someone you care about for a while. It has taken me a few weeks to recover from
severing some deep empathic bonds.

Death/reincarnation normally severs empathic bonds. That is one factor in the
trauma that some individuals experience when a loved one passes on.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Energetic People who do chi, chakra, or Tantra work sometimes learn that
one's energy centers can be linked to those of another person. That provides a
closeness and a sense of awareness of the energetic state of the other person,
and an energetic interaction that can be quite ecstatic in certain situations.
These types of links are often transitory, but much like empathic connections
they can be extended into a quasi-permanent link, and be deepened into a
bond. An energetic link that is maintained allows closeness and energetic
awareness at will, and one that has been deepened to a bond allows one to be
constantly aware of the other person's energetic state, without effort.

It is possible to have a one-way connection to someone else's energetic
system. That can happen when the other person doesn't have the proper training,
if
the other person has some kind of energetic or emotional blockage, or if the
other person isn't willing to make that type of connection. One-way energetic
connections of this type can be energetically, emotionally, or even physically
painful.

Energetic connections can be broken or severed. A link is easier to sever
than a bond, and the results are less traumatic. Severing an energetic bond can
destabilize your energetic system, so be prepared and careful when attempting
that. Energetic links and bonds can reform, so it is a good idea to monitor
one's energetic system for several days after severing a connection, and to
monitor one's energetic system on a periodic basis.

Energetic connections are normally severed by death and reincarnation. Again,
this is a factor in the trauma that some individuals experience when a loved
one passes on.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Soulspace People who do a lot of metaphysical/soul/spirit work learn to find
a place inside themselves where this incarnation connects to the greater
self. In the tradition where I learned this, that place is called a SoulSpace.

Those who work with such places find that there can be a connection between
SoulSpaces, allowing one to reach directly from one's SoulSpace to the
SoulSpace of another person. These connections completely bypass "normal"
reality,
because SoulSpaces don't really quite exist in physical reality. These
connections can be temporary or long-term, and can deepen significantly if both
so
choose.

Having a SoulSpace connection allows one a lot of the same closeness as an
empathic connection, but also allows one to reach directly into the other
person's SoulSpace. It allows reaching across distance easily. In some cases, it
can
lead to a constant sense of the inner state of each other. That can cause
disharmony and disquiet if the other person doesn't want your presence.

I haven't personally experienced a SoulSpace connection being severed, so I
don't know what the results would be. I would anticipate some pain and possible
trauma. Like other types of connections, I would expect that SoulSpace
connections could reform over time if that is not prevented.

This type of connection does survive bodily death, although one does tend to
"forget" the connection and not be aware of it after reincarnating. Awareness
may be prompted by meeting the other person, or may be prompted by an inner
awareness that the other person has incarnated, even though you haven't
encountered them, and won't for years.

Being incarnated while having a SoulSpace connection from a prior life
sometimes leads to a sense of incompleteness, of looking for someone else. This
is
often mistaken for a romantic attachment - which may or may not be correct.
This is one of the types of connections that is sometimes called a soulmate or
soulbond connection.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SoulSpace Fragments

People who work with SoulSpaces can learn to form bonds by either fusing
and/or exchanging pieces of their inner self. That often takes the form of a
living "being" that normally inhabits their own SoulSpace being placed into the
SoulSpace of the other person.
This is not something I would recommend, in general, because of the
repercussions that are possible. It is something I would only recommend if
studying
under a tradition where that type of thing is taught. Even if you are, it is
still something which I would recommend rethinking at least twice, and checking
with one's sense of the cosmic Dance. It can be Really Bad in some cases. It can

be Really Good in some cases. But it is always Really Risky.

Having this type of connection allows the same type of closeness as a
SoulSpace connection, but you don't have to reach into the other person, because
a
part of you is always there. You can be instantly aware of the inner state of
the other person, unless they somehow block information from getting to that
part of you. This can be done both ways. Only having it set up one way can be
emotionally disturbing and painful.

This type of connection can be broken. The results can be quite traumatic. I
had one of these which was severed after being in existence for 18 months. I
lost a lot of memory of those 18 months, including magical and professional
skills which I literally had to relearn as though I had never known them. I also

went through severe emotional and physical trauma. My recommendation: don't go
there.

These connections also last past death, although I suspect that they are
largely "forgotten" when reincarnating, as with a normal SoulSpace connection.

Incarnating with this type of connection from a prior life sometimes leads to
a sense of incompleteness, of looking for someone else. This can be mistaken
for a romantic attachment - which may or may not be correct. This is one of
the types of connections that is sometimes called a soulmate or soulbond
connection.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Twin soul Souls can also "split" into two or more parts, and if those parts
are well developed enough to continue to exist independently, they can go on
as separate souls, incarnating down through the ages. That is what some people
call "twin flames" or "twin souls". Some souls do this more than once,
creating more than two individual parts of the original soul.

Such twin souls have the sense of connectedness and awareness available from
a SoulSpace connection, but to a greater degree of depth. These connections
often seem to be impossible to close down or sever. There can be a significant
pull to be together, although that is not always the result.

These connections also last past death, but are, at least sometimes,
"forgotten" when reincarnating. Even when "forgotten", the individual may be
aware
that something or someone is missing.

This type of connection is often mistaken for a romantic attachment - which
may or may not be correct. Because Twin Souls have chosen different
developmental paths, they may be incompatible as romantic partners, even though
they may
feel an intense pull to be together romantically. This is one of the types of
connections that is called a soulmate or soulbond connection.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Created Soul Bond

Initially separate souls also seem to be able to choose to be joined. Once
this happens, those souls tend to incarnate together. They share soul
development, and both have to learn lessons to progress. It is possible that
some cases
identified as "twin souls" are actually this type.
These connections cause much of the same sense of connectedness and awareness
common to Twin Souls, although there seems to be a greater drive to be
together, to live as a partnership.

These connections seem impossible to close down or sever. The main drawback
that I've seen is that neither person is happy unless the other person is
incarnated with them.

These connections last past death, and although the connection may be
forgotten, the person will feel incomplete and will be "seeking" until they find

their partner.

This is one of the types of connections that is called a soulmate or
soulbonded. It may be the only one that consistently leads to *successful*
romantic
partnerships.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Soul Mates

Souls can also be drawn together by "karma" or "destiny" - by either choices
or obligations to one another, or by proximity in the greater Dance. This is
not Karma in the way that some people think of "paybacks"; rather, it is about
internal balance and development. It can also be a perceived or actual
obligation to help someone work through something, or a need to resolve personal

baggage related to interactions in other lives. It can also be a draw formed not

by direct interaction with someone else, but by interaction with a pattern that
also moves other individuals, so that one encounters those other individuals,
even though there is no direct connection.

When one of these interactions exists, someone comes into your life for a
reason. That reason may be for only an event, or for a series of events, or for
most or all of your life. Sometimes these individuals may be relatives or even
siblings. Sometimes they may be friends, sometimes lovers. They are often
assumed to be romantic, although that is not necessarily correct. The
interaction
is there to help one or both of you learn specific things, or deal with
specific things, or because you are both moving with specific patterns.

There is nothing to sever to stop these interactions, as it isn't a direct
connection, but a flowing-together in patterns. In the case of past life baggage

that needs to be cleared, clearing that baggage and moving forward will
eliminate that cause for the relationship to exist. In the other cases, there
may
or may not be any actions that would eliminate the cause for the interaction.

These interactions are for one or more lifetimes, and the awareness of them
may or may not exist until meeting the other person. Sometimes not even then.

This is the type of interaction that many metaphysicians call Soul Mates.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Species Resonance Among non-human reincarnates, one of the more common
experiences is the pull towards someone with a similar non-human nature. This
does
vary from species to species, so it isn't universal. For example, it does seem
more common among some of the Elf and Elf-like species, and somewhat less
common among some of the Faerie and Dragon species.

The pull of species resonance can feel like other types of connections, and
for some species does provide a sense of closeness similar to empathic or
soulmate connections. For some species, it can generate a sense of Need for the
presence of others of that species (elves seem particularly prone to this,
although it is stronger in some species than in others).

This type of attraction can easily be confused with romantic attraction,
unless one is observant and careful. It can also serve as an enhancement to
other
types of attraction.

There really is no way to close down or sever species resonance, as it isn't
a connection, but rather a similarity of nature.

Species resonance can last across reincarnation, although the strength will
vary with the amount of manifestation of that nature. For example, someone who
has a touch of elf but isn't manifesting it strongly this lifetime may not
feel any species resonance for elves, while someone who is strongly manifesting
Elf almost certainly will experience species resonance towards others who are
strongly manifesting Elf. The strength of the resonance also varies with the
similarity of the individuals' non-human natures. For example, those who were
elves of similar nature/origin will tend to be more strongly drawn to each other

than to elves of different nature/origin.

For those who experience strong species resonance, not being able to be with
others of their type can be disturbing; it can generate a constant awareness
of unfulfilled need. In severe cases, unfulfilled species resonance can be a
factor that affects emotional stability. Individuals who experience this should
take care to maintain inner stability.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--

Caveats:

One caution that I would give is that anyone who is desperately seeking to
create any of the above types of connections probably has some unresolved issues

about needing someone else that they really should resolve before pursuing a
deep relationship. I've seen some attempt to decide who their "soulmate" or
"soulbonded" will be. That normally isn't the kind of thing one can decide.
Normally either such a connection exists, or it doesn't. If it doesn't, then
seeking it probably indicates a problem on the part of the seeker.
My experience is that some types of connections happen naturally over time
when one is in the right place at the right time. Learning to follow one's heart

(not mind, not emotions) and learning to Dance the greater Dance - those will
result in being in the right place at the right time, more and more often as
one progresses. That will naturally result in some of these types of
connections forming, when it is right for them to do so.

Also, remember that we get handed lessons in life. Some of those lessons are
really hard for us - things that we often would rather walk away from. When
there is a lesson that we won't hang around to learn any other way, there is
often a "hook" added to make sure that we do stick around to learn the lesson.
Quite often, that hook can take the form of a relationship. Usually, the most
intense relationships are there because someone needs to learn something and
won't any other way: either us, or the other person, or both.

So be careful of wanting the hook. You can learn a lot, and it may be
wonderful for some of it, but it can hurt... a lot, sometimes.

Considerations:

I hope that these descriptions help people - help them to be aware of what
they are doing, help them to not be looking at a glamorous image that isn't
true, and help them to be able to use words/terms that accurately describe what
they have found.

It isn't always easy to tell what kind of connection one has. The reason that
I can see the difference between these types of connections is because I've
experienced all but one of them, and I've been able to see that one in contrast
to what I have experienced.

I think a lot of people call a relationship a soulmate or a soulbond because
that relationship is the deepest relationship that they have experienced, and
they are trying to find a way to express what they feel. That's
understandable, and hopefully these terms will provide a way for some of those
relationships
to be more accurately understood and described.

You don't have to be "bonded" to have a deep and meaningful relationship with
someone. If you find a really good relationship, and you both are on some
type of inner growth path, then you will probably find yourself developing one
of
the above connections over time - possibly more than one.

Just make sure that you find a good relationship *first*, and let the rest
work itself out. :)

http://www.otherkin.net/articles/soulbonds.html


Posted by Tracy at 11:23 AM EST
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Red Balloon
Topic: False Awakenings
This dream was last weekend. I dreamt that I woke up (false awakening) and there was a red balloon floating next to my bed. I tried to touch it and I saw it really good and then i woke up for real.


This made me think of Scott in prison again. I went to visit him one time and I wss staying in a hotel room. I had alot of weird things happening that weekend. Here are a few of them. I was driving to see my son down in TN and I was driving back to the hotel and I saw a bright light, I thought it was a car driving right at me but then the light seemed to be higher in the air, I sort of remember slowing way down to an almost stop and I was just freaking out on this light thing and then it went away and I kept driving. I then turned off on the wrong exit and ended up still being by the hotel I was staying at. When I got to the hotel I kept having strange dreams and seeing these purple explosions in my head. I woke up the next morning and barely rememebered a song from the last dream I had when I woke up, it was 99 Red Balloons. I then got dressed and went to go see Scott in prison and while I was driving I did see red balloon floating above a business in that town, an ad ploy, but it was od to see it because I hadn't drove that way the night before to see that before the dream. Later on , I developed pictures from that trip and there were strange orbs in most of them, the ones down at where my son was, there were some in the hotel too...




Posted by Tracy at 11:11 AM EST
Updated: Sunday, 16 January 2005 11:16 AM EST
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Darkness and White Noise, my thoughts
Topic: I hear Dead People
I went
last weekend and saw Darkness and White Noise. I thought Darkness
was lame except the 2 minutes at the very end. I have talked to alot
of people who watched White Noise and everybody said they hated it
but I really liked it, I think because I could relate to alot of it
on a personal level. I had something similar to the phone incident
happen so when I saw that it made me chuckle because even if it
wasn't very scary, someone had to write the story and it made me
think ok im not alone someone else had something similar to that
happen. Things to make you go hmm.. Something I noticed in both
movies was the three figures, there were three figures -elders or
some bizarre people in Darkness and they kept showing them over and
over and there were three shadows that kept appearing on the screen
of the tv on White Noise, I wonder what was up with that and it
struck a similar cord in me that made me think of a 'council' or
elders I've dreamt about, it also made me think of the 'mothman' type
entities, not necessarily mothman but that type of dimensional
entity. And was the guy really seeing and hearing his wife or was it
just those entities stringing him along, like the one in mothman
did? The movie gave me the same feeling as mothman prophecies did.
Darkness didn't, but the two movies had the same 3 entity theme which
if anyone knows what that may mean let me know cuz I am curious.
Another thing that struck me odd on White Noise was the equipment
being set up in that warehouse, what was that about? That was a
weird part of the movie Ididn't understand...any theories?

Posted by Tracy at 10:56 AM EST
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Coming home Shamans work with soul loss...article
Topic: Interesting Articles
COMING HOME:

The Shaman's Work With Soul-Loss
by Jonathan Horwitz ?

For thousands of years shamans have known that one of the major causes of
illness and other forms of imbalance in our world is soul-loss. A shaman is a
member of the community who is able to change his or her state of consciousness
and thereby come into contact with another reality, which he often refers to as
the world of the spirits. The shaman knows the spirit world and how to move
there. The shaman goes there seeking help and advise from his spirit helpers
and teachers, both for himself and others in the community. Sometimes the shaman

goes there to seek for a lost soul. If she finds it, she brings it back home,
reuniting it with its physical body. This work is called soul retrieval.
My introduction to soul retrieval came rather abruptly some years ago when I
was in Inari, Finnish Sapmi (Lapland). A Sam! woman I was talking with said to
me: "Someone has stolen my soul. Can you get it back?" For some time I had
been working shamanically with power loss, but I had never gotten the job,
either from someone seeking help or from my spirit helpers, to go out and search

for a soul. Even though shaman's all over the world have been doing it since
before the beginning of time, this was something new for me.
What Is Soul?
We are all born with the power we need for our lives. Some of this power is
in the form of soul. While we are all brought up with the concept of "soul",
many people are in doubt as to what soul is, or even if it really does exist. I
generally think of soul as being our life spark, our essence, our life energy.
From the animistic experience of the universe, all things have a soul, and by
definition are alive. The shaman is aware of this, and, by altering her state
of consciousness, is able to come into contact with these soul essences. By
communicating with these spirits, the shaman can learn many things, and perhaps
even ask them for help in healing.
Most traditional peoples are aware that animals, including humans, have
at least two souls. One of these souls is the fixed soul, the soul that belongs
to the physical body and takes care of the normal body functions, for example
growing, breathing, digestion, heartbeat and the circulation of blood,
reproduction, and all of our natural bodily cycles. The second soul is often
referred to as the free soul, or spirit, that which feels and has emotions, that

which leaves the body at night during dreaming, or during a shamanic
soul-flight.
Indeed, some peoples, including the Inuit, are aware that each part of the
body has its own soul, and the Evinki, the people whose language gives us the
word shaman, were aware that human beings had up to seven souls, each with its
own function.
What Is Soul-Loss?
Soul-loss is when some of this vital, free-soul essence leaves our body,
thereby depriving us of our full power. Soul-loss can be seen as a built-in
adaptive/ survival mechanism. Many wild animals, for example foxes and wolves,
are
known to chew off their own leg in order to escape from a trap . The human
psyche (Greek for soul) will do the same. If life is too difficult, the part of
the soul which is most affected will leave us. The main organism will survive,
while the lost part drifts off. If we are lucky, it will quickly return. If
not, we may never see it again. This is soul-loss.
How Does Soul Loss Happen?
It has been my experience in working with people that in most cases soul-loss
occurs because we give our souls away. As stated before, each of us are born
with the amount of power we need to live, but, in the process of growing up,
of being socialized, something happens. We are taught. We are taught how to
"fit-in", and our teachers, be they our parents and family, or school teachers,
or playmates, or even the family dog or cat, all show us how the world is put
together - in the way that they see it. Some of them try to teach us well,
taking into account as much as possible who we already are. Others of them try
merely to form us or control us after their own wishes. At a very early age we
learn that if we respond to our environment in certain ways we will most likely
obtain certain results, both positive and negative. In many cases, this leads
to healthy patterns of personal interaction and development, if those who
raise us are well-balanced, aware individuals. However, in other cases, the
desire
to please others can often lead us to be untrue to ourselves.
Already in early childhood many children start to give over their power
to their parents who have forgotten or never heard Kahlil Gibran's words: "Your
children are not your children." If the parents are not well balanced, or if
they have deep troubles of their own, it is often up to the child at an early
age to attempt to achieve balance in the home. Sometimes this is impossible to
begin with, and, sometimes, to be the way we think others want us to be, it
means that we cannot be ourselves. If these conditions persist, that part of
our soul which is ignored, or deprived, will leave. This is soul-loss. In school

the desire to be accepted by our classmates will often cause us to do things
which may not natural for us to do, for example, ganging up on the "different"
one. This desire to be accepted all too often turns to fear of being left
out. And later in life, to keep a lover or friend we ignore ourselves and our
feelings in an attempt to keep the relationship in tact, because we have learned

that being true to ourselves threatens the relationship. We suffer in silence,
and by doing so we throw water on our own fire. What then happens to the
heat? This, too, is soul loss.
I once worked with a woman whose father had died when she was a young
girl. Such a situation in itself often leads to soul-loss, but in this case the
problem was further complicated by the mother's deep grief and resultant
alcoholism. The daughter, in an effort to restore as much as possible the former

secure family situation, tried in her own childish way to fill her father's
shoes. Though she herself was also heartbroken, she was never able to express it

for fear that her mother would totally fall apart, taking with her what little
family structure there was left. This developed into a behavior pattern as an
adult in which she was always helping other people, while ignoring her own
needs, what psychologists today call co-dependant behavior. The shaman calls it
soul-loss.




Saying Good-bye to the Soul
Soul-loss often happens in a vain attempt to maintain contact with someone
who is leaving or has left us, for example when someone close to us dies. We
hear stories of people who cast themselves into the open grave of a loved one at

the funeral, that they, too, may go. And they often do, as a part of their
soul leaves with the dead one. This was the case of one person I worked with who

as a teenager put her picture in her dead father's pocket as he lay in the
coffin at the wake, so that she could be with him always.
We have all experienced the sadness of parting, leaving someone we love
dearly, knowing that perhaps we would never see them again. In an effort to
ease the pain we say: "A part of me will always be with you." And we mean it. We

give that loved one a piece of our soul. But the sad part of it is that the
object of your love can't use your soul. Indeed, it may add to her pain or even
cause illness. And you are left with less power to handle the pain of parting,
and many other situations to come after as well. Although heart transplants
may work, soul transplants do not. A much wiser, and more loving, form of
parting is to give back any pieces soul you may have collected from each other,
thus, by saying good-bye to the other you say hello to yourself.
Traumatic Soul-Loss
Soul-loss can also occur due to traumatic experiences, for example accidents
(both witnessed and experienced), surgery, or physical and emotional abuse,
incest, or intense pain. Violence in the home is also a major cause of soul
loss, as are extended periods of anxiety. Many people have had out of body
experiences, especially during traumatic experiences. The reason these are
remembered
is because the soul comes back. If the soul doesn't come back, there is no
acute memory of the pain, only the dull knowledge that the incident happened, if

any memory at all.
Although many actions taken by one person can lead to soul-loss in
another, the purposeful taking of another's soul is rare, though common enough.
These acts are generally undertaken by people whose own soul is so damaged and
depleted that the only way they know to get power is by taking it from someone
else. These people often die at a young age, but generally not before they have
caused great damage to others.

Casualties of War
Warfare is probably the single greatest cause for soul-loss on a global
scale. Everyone loses. The civilians caught in the crossfire, their families and

loved ones, to say nothing of the soldiers themselves, and their loved ones.
Even the "victorious" soldiers returning home from war often have extreme
difficulty in adjusting to civilian life again, and frequently try to fill up
the
hole in their soul with drugs and alcohol, sometimes turning again to violent
behavior in their frustration.
It is interesting to note that the Navajo have a special ceremony, The
Enemy Way, for the returning warrior. It is designed to cleanse him of his
experiences and reunite his spirit with his body so that he may come into
balance
and take his place in the community once more.
There are many other reasons for soul-loss. Very often there are well
known standard phrases in our language which indicate this as well, for example,

with the death of a loved one ("When my husband died, I felt that part of
myself went with him."), an accident ("I was scared to death"), a failed project

("I put my soul into this work"), physical or psychic abuse of any kind ("My
spirit was broken"), divorce, or the end of an important relationship ("She
stole my soul"). Even a violent argument can lead to soul-loss ("I was beside
myself with rage"). Indeed, our lives today at the end of the twentieth century
in
overcrowded cities with incompetent politicians and seemingly uncaring
bureaucrats, runaway technology, and global pollution seem rife with
possibilities
for either receiving soul-loss or inflicting it.
Surviving and Adapting
Why does soul-loss happen? As Sandra Ingerman points out in her book Soul
Retrieval: Mending the Fragmented Self, soul-loss is generally a matter of
surviving and/or adapting. We all have our limits as to how much we can take.
But
what happens when we reach our limits, when we can't back any further into the
corner? Then it is time for action. But sometimes it just doesn't seem possible
to take the appropriate action. We don't have the power. "If I try to do
something, he'll leave me. Then where will I be?" Or, "If I say anything, I'll
get
fired! Then what?" When this is the case, that part of the soul which reacts
most heavily to the situation knows it is time to leave for some place safe,
and does so, both for it's own survival and for the survival of the organism as
a whole.
An excellent example of this in my own life happened when I was drafted
into the army in 1964. I had been actively trying to avoid the draft for two
years, but finally I gave up. To my surprise, I was able to adapt to the army
with relative ease. Twenty years later, when I had a soul retrieval done, I
found out why: the day I became a soldier was the day I lost a very important
part
of my soul, a part which perhaps could not have survived in uniform. It was a
part which I did not have, but could have used, for twenty years.
Symptoms of Soul-Loss
The most extreme and dramatic form of soul-loss is coma. Otherwise, symptoms
of soul-loss may or may not be immediately apparent. The first symptoms are
often a felt loss of connection with one surroundings. Soon it becomes a felt
loss of connection with oneself, a loss of being in touch with the body, a
feeling of being empty, feeling numb, or not feeling anything, but seeing life
go
by as if it were a film starring someone else.
Very often when people come to me for the first time they express it
quite clearly. "I don't know what the matter is, but I feel as though I've lost
touch with myself." If they have, it is a very serious matter, because it often
means that they have also lost touch with their own internal back-up system,
their hopes and dreams, their beliefs, their self confidence, and their own
code of ethics. People who suffer from soul-loss often have a difficult time
being honest with themselves, blaming other people where the solution to the
issues in their lives often lies with their own actions. Lack of grounding is
often
a clear indication of soul-loss.
Another important symptom is memory loss. A woman once said to me, "The
only thing I remember about the last two years of my marriage is signing the
separation papers." Repetitive negative behavior patterns, for example becoming
evolved with the same type of partner with disastrous results, time and time
again, often points at severe soul loss. People who suffer from soul loss often
are attracted to powerful people in hopes that some of the power will rub off
and fill the hole, instead of seeking to regain their own power. It is also a
normal reaction for people who are suffering severe soul-loss to try to fill
the empty space by taking soul from others. This often happens under the guise
of repeatedly falling in love in an attempt to find a new life, or at least
new energy to continue with the old life. The inability to find joy in life is
a major clue to soul-loss.
People who always have a reason for not being able to do the things they
want to do, whose way is blocked, who feel fear instead of love - these people
could easily be suffering from soul loss. People with soul loss are often
looking for substitutes for life. Be it career, drugs, internet, sex, role-play,

or alcohol, addictions are often used in an attempt to fill the gap left by
the departed soul. Constantly seeking the quick fix is another hallmark of soul
loss, as is, of course, the opposite: total apathy. As we all have seen, if
not from our own lives then from the lives of others we know, these patterns of
behavior almost never help the situation in the long run, and generally make
matters worse.
Shamanic Soul Retrieval
Although all of the symptoms described above sound like normal fare for the
psychologist or psychotherapist, shaman's have been taking on cases like this
in other cultures for generations, and are beginning to do so again in our
society. The shaman's way of working, however, is quite different than the
modern
therapist's. The shaman does not try to use his own knowledge, abilities,
cleverness or power to help his client. The shaman relies on her spirit helpers
and guides to bring the power (energy) to do the work, and to bring her into
contact with the client's own spirit power (soul) in order that it may be
brought
back home to the client's body. This means that the shaman must know her way
around the land of the spirits, and that she has a powerful and clear working
relationship with her spirit contacts there. This comes through having
experience and trust. Once she has contacted her spirit helpers, the shaman
explains
her mission, and then follows directions. Finally, if all goes well, the
shaman finds the lost soul essence and is able to bring it back, whereupon the
soul
is returned to its proper home.
While this may sound very simple, in fact it is not, and there are many
pitfalls. One of the most important things for the shaman to remember is to
follow the instructions of the spirits. A classic case of shamanic soul
retrieval
which failed because of instructions not being followed is the story of
Orpheus and Euridice. Interestingly enough, the very same story, almost to the
smallest details, was well known amongst many native American groups before the
arrival of European culture.
Sometimes the events of a journey may be confusing for the one doing the
shamanic work. I once did a soul retrieval for a friend in Denmark. One of his
complaints was extreme memory loss from his childhood. All of his knowledge
of that time of his life came from other people. On my journey for him, my
spirits took me to a house that was burning. They took me into a room where
there
was a small boy, trapped by the flames. After we finally got him outside, it
was clear that he wanted to show us something, and we followed him to the top
of a nearby burial mound. Then my spirits said that I should take this
child-soul back home to my friend. I did this, even though I had no clear idea
about
what was going on.
As I told my experiences, my friend was clearly amazed. "When I was a
boy, I didn't really like being in the home. I had a favorite place where I used

to play, and that was an old burial mound from the stone age on my father's
land. I was always going up there. Then, when I was about six, my mother
accidentally set the house on fire. I was rescued in the last minute." After the
soul
retrieval he made a pilgrimage to his childhood home. Other people were
living there, but it was the burial mound he went to, and standing there he felt

complete, with his feet well planted on the Earth. And he began to remember.

Some years ago, a woman who had been on an introductory course with me called
to ask if I would do a soul retrieval for her. I replied that I would try.
When she came for the appointment, we had a long talk. It turned out that even
though she was a mature woman she still had a difficult relationship with her
mother, and was sure that her mother had taken some of her soul. When I made my
journey to the world of the spirits, I was sent out to what is sometimes
referred to as The Void, which could be described as a black hole in the
universe
of the Spirit World. I found her there, floating in a dream-like state. Aiding
my spirit helpers, we brought her to consciousness. She seemed much younger,
around twenty, and she seemed very satisfied to be where she was, and had no
desire to return. "No one hurts me here," she said. Through talking with this
spirit I found out that my client had fallen in love and quickly married at a
young age in order to escape home, but it had been out of the pan and into the
fire, and her rescuer soon had her in another prison. To survive, an important
part of her soul left her. Eventually, I was able to convince this young
spirit to return to its middle-aged body.
In talking with the woman about this afterwards, she was surprised. "How
could you know about that? Yes, it was a disaster, but I thought I'd gotten
over that years ago. But it did change my life. I've never had a lasting
relationship since then. I've always blamed it on my mother's pestering." My
spirit
helpers had told me that she should have two more soul retrievals done, and we
did them over the following year. It turned out that her mother did have a
piece of her soul, and she had a piece of her mother's which were exchanged. The

last piece I found in the non-ordinary reality of the middle-world on the
street where she lived, looking for her home.
There were several lessons here for me. The first was that one doesn't
always find what one is looking for, but sometimes something else entirely.
Often people will want a certain spirit essence returned. Soul retrieval is not
commission work. The spirits decide. Sometimes I have felt that the person
coming to me badly needed a soul retrieval, but my teachers in the spirit world
made it clear that the time wasn't right, that other work needed to be done
first. Another lesson was that it sometimes happens that someone who comes to
have
a soul retrieval done is carrying around spirit parts of someone else. This is
useless baggage which has to be removed - and returned! Finally, people who
are on the mend, for example after the first or second soul retrieval, or some
other successful spiritual work, often start to live their lives in a more
aware way. The results of this are that their spirit starts to "call home" the
rest of the missing soul power.
Asking for Help
Often when people hear about soul retrieval it immediately rings a bell.
Almost as often they ask, "Can I do it myself?" I feel this attitude reflects
one
of the major illness of our time - the illusion that we, as individuals, exist
in a vacuum, independent of the rest of the community, the rest of the world,
and the rest of the universe. It is this attitude which in the end cuts down
rain forests for capital gain without thinking about ecological debt. The
shaman works by asking for help. The person suffering from soul-loss must also
ask
for help.
While it is possible to have a spontaneous soul retrieval, for example in
a dream or on a shamanic journey, it seems difficult in most cases to
purposefully do a soul retrieval for oneself, perhaps because what we call the
ego so
eagerly gets in the way. One client came to me complaining of fearfulness and
an unnatural timidity. She was sure that she experienced soul loss after an
recent automobile accident. She had made a shamanic journey to the site of the
accident, and had fleeting glimpses of herself, but contact was impossible.
When I journeyed to the site, I found her sitting in the tree her car had
smashed into, swinging her legs. Her spirit complained that her host had been
reckless, and was in the habit of taking un-necessary risks, and refused to come

back. However, by promising on my client's behalf that changes would be made, I
was able to get the soul to return.
Care and Treatment of the Returned Soul
The most surprising aspect of soul retrieval is how powerfully it works. In
most cases, the returning soul brings with it the power of the situation which
caused it to leave, and this power must be welcomed home. This means that the
client is forced to deal with those issues after the soul retrieval, and it is
important to tell people this before they have the work done. For this reason
it is also important to find out if the person coming for help has a support
system, be it friends, family, or a therapist. If he doesn't, then perhaps
some other form of treatment is advisable.
I once did a soul retrieval for a client of a therapist I know. The woman
and her sister had been victims of incest over a six year period from when
she was eight to fourteen years old. Finally, she told her mother. Eventually it

had gone to court, and the step-father had been found guilty. Both the
therapist and the woman felt that they had gotten stuck in their work, and both
felt
that it was necessary to go deeper. The therapist suggested soul retrieval. I
was able to bring back this woman's eight year old soul captured by her
step-father, the vital innocent essence she had lost at his first intrusions.
The
therapist later told me, " It seemed as though we had to start from the
beginning. Even though she had been over it a thousand times before, the depth
of
actually experiencing it all over again with the awareness of the eight year-old

self was more than agonizing at times. It was hard, but it was worth it, and
the work went much faster because of the eight year old's power."
Fortunately, most of the people who come to me for help do not have such
terrible stories to tell, but I am constantly amazed by what people can
survive. Sadly, the way they have survived is through soul-loss, and surviving
is
not the same as living fully. To live fully, we must be whole, that is, to have
all of our soul. To make sure that the returned soul stays, it is important
that it is made welcome, and that the issues which arise as a result are dealt
with in a positive way. To this end, it is helpful if the receiver of the soul
retrieval is able to make a shamanic journey to the returned soul, so that
they can get to know each other. If this is not possible, then it may be up to
the shamanic practitioner, or a psychotherapist with knowledge of shamanism, to
help with the reintegration.
My own experience was that after my soul retrieval I began to have war
dreams again. For some ten years after my return from the war in Viet Nam, I
would often awaken from violent dreams which centered around my experiences
there. However, I wasn't able to cope with these dreams, and finally they
stopped.
But after my soul retrieval they started again, and soon I began remembering
events I hadn't thought about since they had happened. The difference was that,
with the help of my wife and my returned soul, I was able to look at them,
and take the teachings they had to offer me twenty years later. This series of
dreams culminated after eight months, the length of time I had been in the war,
with a key dream which opened the door to a new chapter in my life.
Teachings of the Soul
One of the major teachings many people mention to me after soul retrieval is
what a valuable gift life is, no matter how difficult. They no longer feel
that they have to indulge in substitutes for living. One woman half-jokingly
told
me, "It's really terrible! I have a much harder time lying to myself. I'm
afraid she'll leave me again if I do." Many find that their returned selves will

not suffer the abuse that they were subjected to before, and that they
subjected themselves to before. Suddenly people, find the strength to start to
look
at their lives realistically, and to start to make the changes needed so that
they can actually enjoy themselves.
Another important teaching I've often observed is what I'd call "the step
beyond forgiveness." The realization that the thing which caused so much
pain, perhaps for years, no longer matters. Most importantly, people start to
see
how the things they do fit together and are connected with not only their
immediate surroundings, but with the rest of the Universe as well.
Soul retrieval, despite its power, is not a quick fix. Nor is it the
automatic answer for all problems, and many of the symptoms of soul-loss could
also be symptoms of something else. Perhaps the central idea of shamanic soul
retrieval is to put people back into touch with their spirit power, and by doing

so put them back in touch with the power of the Universe. Just because this
happens does not mean that you will have a trouble-free life. What it does mean
is that you will be equipped to face what comes your way. Recently, one man
told me a month after his soul retrieval, "I feel that I'm here for a reason. I
don't know what it is, and maybe I'll never find out. But I'm no longer afraid
of trying to find out."

SUGGESTED READING:
Sandra Ingerman: Soul Retrieval. (Harper 1991)
Mercia Eliade: Shamanism. (Princeton 1964)
Michael Harner: The Way of the Shaman. (Harper 1980)
Jonathan Horwitz: Animism: Everyday Magic. In: Sacred Hoop, No.9, Summer
1995.
Annette H?st: Blessed By the Moon. In: Sacred Hoop, No. 10, Autumn 1995.



Posted by Tracy at 10:54 AM EST
Updated: Sunday, 16 January 2005 11:24 AM EST
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Saturday, 8 January 2005
things to make you go hmmm
Well I got a letter in the mail today from Scott in prison and I hadn't heard from him for quite some time before now so maybe the dreams over the weekend were just me picking up on his mail coming or something. Dreams are so fascinating. I don't know how many times I have dreamt about someone and then heard from them within a week. Does any one else get this alot? Like premonition? I seem to have it better with people than events or other things, probably because of connections and thought waves I suppose.


Posted by Tracy at 2:31 PM EST
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